When Karen and I first got married, 27 years ago, we did not go with her family
down to Louisiana to visit her grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, which
is their family tradition. At
the time my mother was entering her last battle with cancer and we wanted to
have one last holiday season with her. We
took some time off work and stayed with my family. We went to all of the usual
holiday parties at the houses of our neighbors and friends. It was the first
time I heard my mother say to her best friend, as Karen sat with her head in her lap, “This is the gift my son brought home
to me.” We went to church
on Christmas Eve and stayed up late playing games. We all woke up together and
gave each other gifts. On New Year’s we celebrated with the people that are
closest to us. I am really glad we got to spend that time together before Mom
left us a couple of months later.
The following year we celebrated
Christmas with my family early and then Karen and I, along with our two best
friends, boarded a plane to New Orleans for a short vacation before the
holidays. We stayed at a place called the Bienville House in the heart of
the French Quarter. The rooms all had high ceilings, four-poster beds and
velvet flocked wallpaper. Our room was on the ground floor and had French
doors leading to a little courtyard with a fountain. Greg and Linda’s had
an entrance to a large terrace that overlooked Decatur Street and the
Storyville Theater. We had a lot of fun on that trip.
In the morning, Greg and I would go
collect newspapers and sit in the Café Du Monde talking until the girls were
done getting ready for the day’s events. Sometimes when we all felt like
having some down time and hanging out at the hotel, I would take a chair from
Greg's and Linda’s room out onto the terrace, or just sit on the wood-planked
floor, and write in my journal until everyone else came out for cards and
drinks. These are my two favorite pictures from that time.
Explanations are required.
During that trip, one day we were all out on the terrace talking and I told my
wife and my friends that if I could, I would one day be a writer. My wife
lied down on the ground and started laughing. I said, “Honey, I don’t
think it is nice that you are laughing at your husband.” She said, “The
reason I am laughing, Thomas, is that you already are. It doesn’t matter what
you do for work. You have always been writer, and always will be one.” It was
then that I realized I was extremely capable of making certain good choices in
my life…like being with her.
When our vacation was over, Karen’s
cousins from Georgia came through New Orleans, picked us up and took us north
in the state where her family lives. We spent time there for awhile, enjoyed
Christmas, and then went up to Shreveport to spend New Year’s with her aunt,
Lisa. Lisa over time has become one of my best and closest friends.
It was the first of many, many New Year’s Eves I spent in Shreveport.
New Year’s Eve in Louisiana is much
different than it is in Chicago. Because it is warm, fireworks are the
order of the night. You drive around Shreveport and on every corner is a
stand that has been set up to expressly sell fireworks. The bigger they are, the better. People spend hundreds of dollars on them. Lisa’s husband,
Jeff, and I once constructed what he calls, “Redneck Fireworks,” that are
composed of lots of PVC, bottle rockets, mortars and a really long fuse. At one
point, when we first did it Jeff told me to stand back. He said, “I need
you, man, to tell the news how this thing went horribly wrong.” When we lit it off it was actually quite glorious in its beauty and its stupidity.
We had many traditions when we were were at Lisas' for New Years. One is that my wife, Karen, must have
sparklers. Another is that on New Year’s Day we watch bowl games and
movies, and then we eat cabbage, black-eyed peas and other things that
symbolize good fortune in the next year. My favorite tradition is to stay
up late on New Year’s Eve with Lisa talking, and then spend a little time
thinking and writing.
Still on New Year’s Eve I always make four
lists. The first is of all the blessings I have received in the last
year; the second is of all the things I could have done better; the third is my
resolutions for making myself a better person, and the fourth is my goals for
what I want to accomplish in the coming year. Here’s what I do with these
lists. I look frequently at the first one and then ignore the others.
At some time in late February or
March, when it gets a little warmer, I take a walk down by the river to think.
I pull the last three lists I wrote at New Year’s out of my notebook, tear them
into little pieces, and throw them into a garbage can as I head back to my car.
I learned a long time ago that you can always count your blessings but
you can’t plan your life with lists. Life, like the river, is too fluid to do
that.
I haven’t gone down to Louisiana
during the holidays in a long time, although Karen and my daughter, Meredith,
still go every year. This started when my boys got older and wanted to be
with their friends during the holidays. After I was diagnosed with
Parkinson’s, and after a few feeble attempts, it became clear that I could not travel
that far in a car, so I stayed home alone.
For a few years on New Year’s I
would go to Quigley’s and celebrate the Irish new year and then get home to
make sure I got back before Naperville’s finest came out. Now that
the boys are all in college and have gone to the city where Ben and Zayn live, I will
spend New Year’s relatively alone with no company other my dog, Lexi, and my
thoughts. I don’t mind that so much. Quiet has its merits. I visited
friends this afternoon and others have stopped by. Later tonight I will watch
Dick Clark without Dick Clark, soak some peas, and write my lists. It will be
fun but it’s all not the same as being with my wife and children tonight.
I have already started writing my
meaningless lists. This year my first list, the blessings, had to go to another
page or two because I have so many. The list of what I could do better is
exponentially shorter, as is the list of my resolutions. Whereas once I
wrote a litany of things like: exercise more, drink more water, get better
sleep, follow nutrition, etc.…now on the resolutions list there are only five
items.
I resolve to
accept that I can’t control the world or what has happened to me ; I resolve to
accept who I am now, my new identity, which is different than what I once was,
but, despite challenges, is good ; I resolve to do the very best with what I have to work with and
pursue all my passions to good ends ; I resolve to do my best to take care of myself
so I can take care of others who need me ,
and I resolve to
be an example of hope and joy for those all around me and I meet throughout the year.
My list of goals is now at three
pages. I’m sure I will add to those pages throughout the day and later tonight.
Some of them are mundane, some are epic. I think this year I will not go
to the river and tear things up. Instead, I will just keep this little notebook
my daughter gave me, with a picture of Captain America (my fave), off to the
side as a reminder that life is really good for me and this year will be an
even better year than the last one was. It has already started being that way.
If I had some fireworks, I would
probably light them off tonight.
Happy New Year’s, everyone, and God
bless. I appreciate all of your continued friendship, love, and support.
Your pal, T.S… the writer.
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