We have a lot of small gardens around our house. They require a lot of maintenance and work
but they are lovely. One of the nice things
about my marriage is that both my wife and I love flowers and plants, and enjoy
gardening. Although I have to say I think she enjoys the results more than the work we both willingly have to do to have them. Still, it’s something we both enjoy
doing together and appreciate each others' efforts. I don’t know about Karen, but I’m
trying to figure out why I love gardens so much. Maybe some of it is my UK heritage, or maybe
it is because my grandfather was a florist and a greenhouse man. Maybe it is because my mother had me work
with her as she raised lilacs, peonies, fruit, and vegetables. As a teenager I hated to have to spend so
much time wearing gloves, mucking in soil, planting and pruning, but as an
adult, and now that she is gone, I wish I could relive every minute we spent
together doing that.
I
think one of the things I like about gardens is that unlike children that are
growing into adults, who are growing and moving away, while the plants may sleep
in the fall, they also always return in full bloom in the spring. As the plants mature, they still stay here
rooted in my gardens. The kids are
rooted here too but as they grow and experience their success, their visits are
not as constant or consistent. It gives
me great joy when they come home because no matter when it is, it is like
spring to me. It is like our gardens
came alive again.
My favorite garden is the butterfly one in the backyard. Karen installed this one and we have let it roam.
Some nights at dusk I move a chair and go out there to just
read, think, breathe, or be. What I like
most about visiting the butterfly garden, aside from the scent of the lemon
grass, is watching every spring as the caterpillars go through chrysalis. I get very excited when they emerge from
cocoons and become beautiful creatures with wings to fly.
Chrysalis is defined as
the time a moth or butterfly is at the stage of growth and change when it is
turning into an adult and is enclosed in a hard case. When I sit by the butterfly garden I often
think about the nature of change.
I haven’t always been
comfortable with change. There was a long time that I expected everything to
align itself to my plans. I have recently been learning that nothing in life
happens according to plan. No one plans to lose a job, get a divorce, a house
ruined, be diagnosed with an illness, or experience loss from the death of a
loved one. I am fortunate that I have only experienced a couple of these
things. Things like this happen to people though and I think we have to be able
to absorb it, accept it, and not let it destroy us.
I planned to be an
executive my whole life and retire comfortable somewhere near some water and
woods. I didn’t plan to get Parkinson’s disease, but it happened, and I can’t
change that. What I can do and what I have done is transform myself and keep
moving ahead. I learned that change can be good. I took the opportunity to
create a new identity. It is one I rather like more than my old identity. Now I
write, create, spend a lot more time with my kids when they are here, and build
fountains and gardens for my wife. I can’t remember the last time it was that I
wore a suit or worried about what was sitting on my desk when I took the train
to my office. Sometimes I miss working
the way I used to, and the people I worked with, but it’s a nice feeling when
you get a chance to pursue your passions, and reconnect with the world around
you.
When I first found out
about my disease, I took to bed for three days. I thought my life was over, and
then with the encouragement of my daughter, I woke up and decided that I had a
whole lot more living to do. I was not going to live my life this way. I still have
my moments of frustration and anger, but I search incessantly for joy which is
all around me to be found. I lived to live with unending change.
I have a dear friend who
lives in the Seattle area but is moving to southern California. From pictures I
have seen, she is a beautiful woman. I have never met her in person but we
correspond quite a bit. We don’t agree on everything, especially religion (I’m
a believer and she is not), but we do agree on the importance of art, music,
and literature. We, I think, both believe in the power of love, and in the joy
of what we do. She is a brilliant artist
and every time I see something she has created I realize there is something
special there. She had a hard life coming up. Some of the things she has shared
are horrible, but nevertheless she has prevailed. Not long ago she had
experiences and started the process of going through some changes that I
believe will bring her great joy. She met a man and fell in love. He seems like
a very good man. I am a sucker for a good love story. That she is finding joy gives
me great joy. Chrysalis.
With that I will sign
off and share with you a poem I wrote about Carolyn one evening in the
butterfly garden. While it is about her,
a lot of people might be able to identify with it because it is really about changes that happen in all of our lives.
CHRYSALIS (FOR CAROLYN)
As the world turns
Moving closer to
the sun
She shakes off
Those old tubers
That root her down
Time for a change
Time to purge one
life
And move on
To another
A better one
Deserved
Time to head south
Time to move to the
waves
And better sun
Time for a change
Time to cast off
A hardened
And restricted
heart
To follow love
Unexpected
Time
for a change
Time
to break out
Of
a rotten wooden case
And
in doing so
Find
new wings
Time
to cast off past things
That
hold us down
And
see the sun
Time
to fly
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