Several years ago I left an awards dinner and I ran into
a guy I knew in college. We were not
close friends in those days, but we knew each other pretty well because of
certain encounters we had and projects we worked on together. I first met him when I was writing an essay about
how criminal I thought it was that people were still burning books. Later on I saw him when I was writing about
how a group had built a shanty-town of boxes on the quad in an effort to end
apartheid. We also worked together on
political campaigns and on the effort to get the womens' rights act passed.
When I ran into him he pretty much looked the same as he did
when we were in college. He still had the
long hair, the beard, the plaid shirt and the frayed jeans. He still wore the army jacket that looked
like the one I wore in school. It was the
one I bought in Washington , Georgetown
specifically, when I did an internship there.
When I was in college I looked a lot like him. I had long hair and a beard too. The night I met him on the street I was
clean-shaven, wearing a pinstripe suit, wing-tips and a tie. I was working for a large consulting firm
then and very much focused on my career.
We decided to stop into a little bar and have a beer. We
played catch up. He told me about his
family. He told me about what he was doing.
He said he was working with at-risk kids, and also doing other social
services work. He told me that it didn’t
make him tons of money but that he liked it very much and about what joy he
found in it. I also told him about my career, my family, where I lived.
At one point he asked me, “T.S., do you still write?” I said, “No, I don’t really anymore. I have
too many other things to focus on. I
usually work until eleven or twelve at night.
I also have to make time for the things my family does.” He then asked me. ”Do you still do activism?” I replied,”No, I'm busy and I travel a lot so I can’t really
get involved in anything. It’s hard
enough to work, make it to my kids’ games, plays and other things. It’s hard enough to make
sure things are fixed and the lawn is mowed.”
We talked a bit more but then I could see he was getting
uncomfortable. We were not laughing as we talked. He was actually frowning. At one point he just stood up, put his canvass
bag over his shoulder, and tersely said, “I have to go.” He fished around in his pockets and asked,”
What do I owe on this?” I told him that I would take care of it. He shook his head and threw a few dollars on
the table.
I said to him, “Did I somehow make you mad?” He shook his head sadly and said. “No. You
just disappointed me.” I asked “How? How
did I disappoint you?” He sighed and said,
“I don’t judge. I know you have a family
and need to do what you need to do. I just thought with your writing and that
passion you had when I knew you before that you might be someone who might help
change the world. I didn’t think you
would be another well-dressed man who did nothing for the world but turn the
wheels of commerce. I know it’s important
that we have people that do that. I just didn’t think it would be you. That disappoints me.” Then he left.
My friend’s comments hurt me, but I initially brushed them
aside. I went on with my life just as it
always was. Later on, though, his words preyed on my mind. I couldn’t help but
think that maybe he was right. Shortly
thereafter I changed jobs. I went to
work for a not-for-profit organization that didn’t require me to travel so much and that was committed to doing something good for the world. I reconnected
with my family, friends, and neighbors. I started doing volunteer work
again.
That has only increased over time. In just the last year I
have worked at an amazing food pantry that is designed like a supermarket so as
to preserve its customers’ dignity; I led some preschoolers in drama, flapped
like bird and for the first time in a long time got to pretend. My favorite piece of service was being an
advocate at a Celebration Clinic, which is held annually at our church, where
people who are struggling can come to get clothes, food, a haircut, or even a
family portrait. It feels really good to
think that, when I can, I am making a difference again.
I work out of my house now, so I am not the best dressed man
unless I am meeting people, or attending an event where it is required. I cut my hair still, and don’t wear army
jackets, but I live now closer to what I was like in college than what I was like
when I was absorbed in the corporate world.
What’s best about all this is that I now "get to do things" that I used to view as things "I had to do," like go to my kids' activities, or visit with people. I walk around and I see things that I haven't noticed for a long time, because I was always too busy thinking about work. Mostly what I like now is that I have an opportunity to write,
which is really nice. It is what I love so much. I am concentrating on that now because I think it is the best talent I have to offer to the world.
After all these years, I got an e-mail from the guy from
college the other day. It was in
response to some of my Facebook posts about what I have been doing and my blog
posts. It was a simple message. It just
said, “Been doing some reading. Welcome home, T.S.” I liked that very much.
I guess sometimes, though it may take awhile to take effect,
an unexpected kick-in-the-ass at some point in your life is good. It reminds you of who you really are and what’s
important to you. Writing meaningful things and trying somehow do something to make the world a
little better is what I strive for. Many of us are not in a position to save the world, or even to make a difference in at least
one person’s life, but I think it is worth trying to do what we can, as best we
can, with the talents, resources, and the effort we have to offer.
Watching the rain and using a computer keyboard is what I am
working with to try to do that these days. I hope like hell it works.
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